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  • Writer's pictureRebel Jones

30-Day Refund Policy On Your Wedding Vows?

At a quick glance, I can see a 30-day refund policy on the back of my Tesco receipt. Asda offer a free monthly text to check my boobs (the Tickled Pink campaign before you ask). And Next guarantee 28 days (on returns, not boobs!) Refund rights are fairly standard across the board. We're seemingly a nation of opt-inners and outers. And the process is usually simple. That is, unless it's your wedding vows...

30 Day Refund Policy On Your Wedding Vows?

Before I continue, I think it's best I make a quick statement: "I am happily married and do not wish to revoke my wedding vows, get divorced or mislay my husband. This post is written solely for entertainment purposes. And said husband is not withholding my coffee subscription until I write something nice." And now that's done... Yes, divorce is a pretty standard affair these days (as well as affairs being just 'pretty standard' in some relationships).

But, it's not quite as simple as popping into your local supermarket and ticking off your reason to return. I mean, it would be quite funny...

  • Dishwashing cycle - not up to pre-wedding standard

  • Belt size - stretched

  • Availability for family/social events - insufficient

  • Pant size - unfounded

As a one-time divorcee, a refund on my vows would have been quite welcome.

My first attempt at marriage went sour rather quickly, which oddly mirrored my first driving test - lots of mistakes with people pointing out that I wasn't ready!

But I learned from it.

I learned what a vindictive, cold-hearted, and vulturous human being I could be!

I changed the locks (which he didn't realize I could do), turned up the music so's not to hear him knocking, and also the heating, since he could no longer nag at me to turn it down.

I kept the house (because it was in my name), as well as the wedding gifts. And he kept his fireman's hose intact, which, as groin-grabbing as that sounds, was a smart move given that he was in fact, a fireman.

It's safe to say that for most people, me included, divorce is messy. We throw insults (and plates if in close range), and consider ourselves on par with the Mexican Mafia. Divorce means war.

30 Day Refund Policy On Your Wedding Vows?

"You want half the dinner set? OK, have it. But, just so you know, I'm keeping half of your socks, as in one from each pair! Don't worry, I have no plans to wear them. I just want to see if you can handle having mismatched socks, as well as you handle sharing dinnerware with friends you don't have!"

Evil! Pure evil! Leaving someone with mismatched socks is just inhumane!

Even the idea leaves me feeling uneasy, which is why I will neither confirm nor deny the truth behind that monologue... Just know that I was pregnant with my daughter and those hormones made me do some crazy things!

That aside, I do wonder why it can't be simpler.

I get that wedding vows are meant to be a commitment of forever. It's like signing up for a lifetime lease after an unspecified period of 'Try before you buy'. In it, you accept the knocks and scrapes; the dented bodywork, and previous misuse. But, I'm thinking, maybe a 4-week check-in to see if you're still happy with your purchase? A scheduled call with the registrar who can stamp 'Cancelled' on the marriage certificate if things aren't quite as they seem?

On the boat my husband is currently bobbing around in (an oil-rig job, and not a hostage or refugee situation I should add), it's mandate to perform a well-fair check on crew members who stay beyond the initial 28 days.

They're called into the medic's office to be questioned over their emotional well-being. And asked to sign a form, stating that they're not being held against their will.


30 Day Refund Policy On Your Wedding Vows?

I jest, of course (for when my husband inevitably reads this post).

But as much as we have statutory rights, political rights, cultural rights, and even marriage rights, when it comes to divorce, our rights are ridiculed by regulations.

We have to beg and plead to share where it went wrong, for others to scrutinise, and charge us for the privilege.

Not every marriage is meant to be. Not every partnership is fair or loving. And for that alone, divorce should be easier. It should be dignified. And stamped with hope, rather than failure.

In all honesty, I had no idea where this post would lead when I began writing. It was inspired by the on-boat mental health check-ins (which I always envisaged to involve a group of burly men, sitting in a circle whilst humming to meditation sounds... Which, apparently, it's not!)

But it has made me think about how unfair and isolating life can be.

This might sound cliché, but if you know someone who's going through a separation or divorce, reach out and be the support they need. Be the sounding board they can't ask for. And the words of encouragement they long to hear.

And if you're that person, who's trying to hold it together whilst your marriage is torn apart, know that people will listen, me included. Divorce Support Group UK


“Don’t be afraid. Be focused. Be determined. Be hopeful. Be empowered.”

Michelle Obama

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