Unschool Meaning Explained (and Why I’ll Defend It)

I saw an article a few weeks ago, I can’t remember where, but it was jumping on the unschooling bandwagon. Inciting more hate towards parents who move away from the traditional education system. And painting a picture of feral children, unable to spell their own name or use cutlery.

And I thought "Shin-dingles - my kid can't use cutlery! Am I part of that too?"

Probably. Possibly. Maybe. Nah. My kid can play piano to a pretty impressive skill level. Forks just baffle him for some reason.

Anyway, according to the loudest critics, the unschool meaning has been twisted into lazy-parent scandal: children left to rot on an Xbox while parents scroll Facebook and call it education...

A mind-numbing existence.

Engulfed in Pringle crumbs.

With zero sleep routines.

An excuse.

A defence.

A row of empty Coke cans.

And if you really want the clickbait version? Those parents are not just lazy. They’re abusive. Because apparently not forcing kids through worksheets is on par with neglect.

And yes, sure, you’ll always find extremes - the parents who declare, proudly, that their kid hasn't touched a maths problem in three years. But that’s not what most of us are doing. Not even close.

The truth is, (from my viewpoint at least), unschooling is more like a decompression chamber. A transition, not an end point. For many families, it’s the pause button after school. The breathing space where children can shed the weight of classrooms, and parents can re-imagine what education might look like without attendance letters and test scores.

(If you think I’m exaggerating, Mind has a whole page on exam stress.)

Admittedly, we never went down the unschooling path ourselves, as my children have been almost exclusively home educated. But that doesn't stop me advocating for those who do. As part of the community, online and in person, I’ve watched so many families use unschooling as a reset. And come out the other side with children who actually enjoy learning again. Who rediscover their own passions. Who are no longer weighed down by the pressure of grades.

Yes, that to me, is the heart of unschooling. It’s not an ending - it’s a beginning. Rather than being an excuse for doing nothing, for raising feral children with no grasp of reality, it’s about recognising that kids are small human beings, not machines.

And those small human beings with big, overwhelming feelings, they sometimes need beach days, pyjama days, movie days, etc. as much as any grown adult who complains about working 45 hours a week. I know this because my kids have those big feelings and tough days too.

And yes, there are times when 'learning' looks more like dancing with a Wii remote or hanging homemade bird feeders in the woods.

But that doesn’t mean my kids aren't learning. Quite the opposite actually - it means they’re learning to heal. And by giving our young people that space, they’ll often pick up a book on their own, ask questions we hadn’t even thought of, or find happiness in subjects that school would have undoubtedly crushed out of them.

But it's not just about academics, is it? Schools these days rarely teach budgeting, or how to boil a potato. How to fix a broken zip, or ways to stop yourself from falling apart when life throws too much at you.

And those things? They keep you afloat in the real world.

So while my own approach is a blend (yes, we keep up with English and maths, but we also value cooking, drawing, and looking after our mental health) I can see that unschooling families are doing something powerful too. They’re giving their kids permission to step away from the grind, to reset, and to learn in ways that suit them.

And when people sit bickering over the unschooling meaning, I jump right in and tell them:

It’s not neglect.

It’s not laziness.

It’s the reset button.

It’s what happens when a child (and a parent, if we’re honest) needs to shed the weight of school before they can move forward.

Sometimes that 'forward' path is highly academic, with tutors for every subject and top exam results. Sometimes it’s life-heavy, filled with cooking, budgeting, and hands-on skills. And sometimes, like with us, it’s a mix of both.

But whatever their future educational path looks like, the unschooling step, in this sense, is the breathing space in between.

And if outsiders can’t get their heads around that?

Maybe that says more about how we’ve been conditioned to believe that 'real learning' only happens under fluorescent lights, at a desk, with a bell ringing every forty minutes. Because in reality, real learning happens everywhere.

Unschooling just gives kids the time to remember that.

P.S. If this resonated with you on some level, if it pulled on your heart strings and made you say "Yes I get that", my book Raising an Emotionally Charged Ostrich is packed with the same emotionally tug. Grab a copy on Amazon, or if you'd prefer a signed edition, just drop me a message.

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 "Education is not preparation for life. Education is life itself."

John Dewey